Raw Emotion.

I am fucking pissed off right now.

All optimism has officially left my body, my mind, and my spirit.
Thanks.

When It Rains.

Of course I was a little upset after an entire day of no rain when clearly Weather.com stated that there would be daytime rain today.
But sure enough the rain fell tonight, and I couldn't be happier. I'm definitely not one to enjoy the rain too much however as I've "matured" the rain has become nothing but a work of art that depicts my emotions lately.
Not sadness nor carelessness, but definitely a feeling of much needed rest and relaxtion.

I'm not too sure how to explain my attitude lately. I guess all the positivity that was once in me has slowly been fading away and has been rottingly been replaced with poisonous negativity. For those who encounter my attitude on a daily basis, I truly apologize. Especially to my boyfriend, he gave me the biggest wake up call today. And I demand that it be mandatory for me to snap out of this funk I've been in.

I've been so slothful too, wanting to be out of reach from the world and only talking to a few friends here and there. I rarely use media networks (ie. Myspace, Facebook) and I've been less than moved to write any sort of blogs.

I think the heat drained everyone. I've felt like a dinosaur these past couple months. Practically all the moisture on dry land has been sucked away but tonight the Earth is replenished.

And plus its always lovely at night listening to the raindrops drizzling outside my window while I lay tangled in my sheets daydreaming about my boyfriend, and how it will be when he finally comes home.

This weather change is making me crazy.

Oh, Lord.

"Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust"

Jersey Number 3.

As the "last" days of summer have gone by, I've grown increasingly heavier.
It's a subtle difference, one that only I notice, but the small pounds that I have gained need to leave immediately.

I was on such a good routine of running/walking three miles at the Pasadena Rosebowl, but as a priority school always comes first so I have been pushing my fitness aside.

Not tomorrow though, I shall continue by three mile exercise and reward myself with something delicious to eat afterwards. I hate how out of shape I've become.

When I was in highschool I had such a fit body. Due to being on the Varsity Volleyball team, I was forced to run a minumum of two miles, crunch over three hundred sit ups, press up to two hundred military bench presses, sit on an invisible chair for at least five minutes (by the way, gives you the most disgusting burn on your calves and thighs), and on top of that we'd have an additional hour of just straight volleyball practice including mock games, and if any team member screwed up on a drill, we would have to run "Suicides."
And this was every single day.

I mean, these exercises were mandatory for me if I wanted to look any good in those tight ass spandex shorts. Cellulite was not an option for me.

So since college started I haven't been too active, just the occasional trip to the gym and that's about it. Everything has been at my own pace.
It's time to whip my body back into shape and into good health.

Fit body, healthy body, happy body.

Live, Learn, Ride.

Believe it or not, it has taken me over twenty years to ride a bicycle.
Well, I guess the average age for learning to ride a bike is about 6.
So it's technically taken me over 14 years to learn to ride.

Everything started out very normally when I was a kid. My dad bought me my dream training bike. It was hot pink and had a white basket up on the handles and even had flower decals on the frame. I was pretty eager to ride my bike.
After a few days of riding with my training wheels still attatched to the rear wheel, my dad was teaching me how to balance on my own when he tragically broke my training wheels.
I was pretty much forced to figure it out without my back up wheels.

A few days past by, and schedules got busier meanwhile I began to lose my drive to ride my bike. I never knew what was ahead of me and the many years I would continue to have to say, "Yeah, I don't know how to ride a bike."
People always gave me the "wide eyes and dropped jaws" look. I was never ashamed, I just looked at my "disability" as being my thing, my trademark.
Instead of cycling with the other kids, I would rollerblade around and I took it seriously.

Of course, I attempted to ride bikes here and there, but I could never seem to balance correctly. Gravity would always defy me and I'd tumble to my side.
I simply just gave up and accepted the fact that I would never ride a bicycle.
Until November 18, 2008.

Low and behold, after my first trip to the Pasadena Rosebowl, I began pedaling on my own.
My dad recently bought me a new bike, a youth bike just for training. He believed it would take me at least 2 weeks to fully learn how to ride a bike. I thought the bike was pretty cute because it was purple (my favorite color) and it said "Lady Goose" on the center part of the frame.
But after just 2 days, I am cycling all on my own, all on two wheels, balance and poised.

Now that I've finally mastered riding a bike, my dad has promised me to buy me a bicycle of my choice.
I've been debating between a beach cruiser or a road bike. So difficult.

My butt is sore, but let's ride.


Image Courtesy: Mongoose Bikes

Well Handled.

I thought I'd try something different today by writing earlier in the day, after all I did have a very obscure and eventful morning.
Waking up and getting ready for school was nothing out of the ordinary, just my routine of getting up around 6:30 and getting out of the house by 8:15 to beat all of that early morning freeway traffic.
Side note: Traffic is the worst when you're rushing to get to your first class.

So my trusty car, Amadeus, rolled his wheels onto the entrance of the 210 West near the Lake Avenue ramp when suddenly the Nissan Pathfinder in front of me slams the butt of a poor Honda Element SC.
The Element had no idea what to do. So he slowly made his way over to the shoulder and as I was passing by I could feel the agony and anger from both drivers and both cars.
What a morning for them.



I continued to drive without a thing phasing me, traveling at a very normal speed of 70 mph, a Toyota Prius has the balls to tailgate me for a good 12 miles. I refused to budge since I was not in the fast lane nor was I interrupting traffic, the jerk needed to move on his own if he had a problem with my driving.
Then after the some 12 miles, he switches over to the lane left to me and he continues to go at my speed while staring at me and smiling. Mind the fact that he looked about my dad's age.
What a creeper.

After all of that madness, I had finally arrived to Northridge where my humble campus stands. I found great parking and I was even 20 minutes early to my class. I was pretty proud of myself. It's great having plenty of time to look over assignments and walk at steady pace to my farthest class on campus.
But in my steady trek to class, my peace was disturbed.
With my head buried in my phone, I hear a guy "hollering" in the distance approaching me.
He continues on and I begin to make out what he is saying, "Damn, girl, you have thighs like black girl. You must be like a 36-24-36 (referring to my body measurements). Let me get at that."
I looked at him in disbelief, and softly said back, "Honey, if you want to get at this, get at my boyfriend first. You actually think you got game?"
The foolish boy laughed and his friends started clowning on him.
What respect and what guts.

What a GREAT day.
Mind my sarcasm.


Image Courtesy: Autobytel

Little Minds, No Hearts.

To be completely down right bitchy, I would really appreciate if people would knowledge themselves before writing. Writing aimlessly and out of one's ass is very healthy, but at the same time disgustingly dangerous.
I've recently found myself browsing across pure ignorance and it makes me laugh out loud to know that people actually think they're making a point or making a difference.

In no way shape or form am I saying that I'm some sort of glorified writer who knows all of the facts and current events that are needed to be known to be a great humanitarian.
I am thousands of journeys away from that.
But we should all at least try to make sense when we're writing.
Not only should one be book smart when writing, but one should also have some heart or one may result in looking like a selfish fool.

So be smart and have some apathy.
Save me the trouble of writing another worthless post about the wrongs.

I'm so sick of myself ranting about problems of the world.

Wants vs. Needs.

He's definitely both in this case.

Oh, Smokey.

God be with all of the families that are experiencing all of these hardships due to the fires that are spread across southern California.
The firestorms are raging across brush area and various homes.
It is so scary just how quickly fire can jump from city to city, ruthlessly.

Fire departments are trying their best to contain these fire, much thanks to each and every brave hero.


Chino Hills area on 11/16/08.

I am so grateful for the hard working firemen that slave through the nights to save houses and lives.

Let's cool down.


Video Courtesy: YouTube

Point Break.

Running off of an uncomfortable 4.5 hours of sleep, I have finally reached my limit.

I need to sleep.

Dear You,

I just need you to know that I love you a lotto.

Essentially Mine.

I bounce back between two styles. And sometimes I mesh both.
"Simple lines with a bit of ghetto fabulous."
That's how my boyfriend always describes me.
What can I say? I love both the simplicity of preppy and the hard edge to street wear. I definitely think that both looks can be pulled off together in some way.
Either that, or I must look pretty whack and none of you guys are telling me.

But anyways, I've composed fall/winter must haves for myself.
If I don't get these, I think I might die. Not really.


J. Crew - $65.00


J. Crew - $79.50


Tory Burch - $195


Married to the Mob - $132


Married to the Mob - $40


HellzBellz! - $110


Nike x MOB - $?


So do me a favor and buy me ALL of these.
If only we were made of money.


Image Courtesy: J. Crew, Tory Burch, Karma Loop, & SLAMXHYPE

Dexter.

Perfect.

day.

Rise & Shine.

Today seemed to be an ordinary day, but my mom decided to change things up a bit by taking me and herself to my dad's work where both my dad and brother were working.
My dad owns a bakery factory that specializes in Mexican bread and other foods.
His factory is based in Santa Fe Springs and his products are shipped out to various school districts, some markets, and get this, a prison.

I never realized just how hard my dad works. He would always say in Korean how he never had even five minutes to sit down and relax.
And he lived up to what he said.
The minute I walked into the factory he said a quick "hi" and zoomed right past me to direct the man driving around a lifting machine.

My brother helps my dad out a few days of the week and earns a little extra cash. He does most of the bookkeeping and supervises the workers.

It's mind-boggling to think that my dad runs this business all on his own. I don't think he even realizes what an immaculate job he is doing and the level of success that he has built for himself and our family.
I respect him so much.

As immigrants from Korea, they knew they would struggle to get on their feet, but my parents made something of themselves. Sure, they may have immigrated to America at a young age, but to hear and watch their success is so captivating and more than motivating.
















Your corner bakery--factory.

I Call Shotgun.

As a family, we own a convertible coupe, a coupe, a sedan, and a station wagon.
My family has had every genre of car thinkable except a SUV or a pickup truck.
So car after car, my parents finally decided we needed to buy a SUV.

And we did.
We headed down to Irvine and spent three hours at the dealership drinking multiple cups of coffee and finally after hours of standing and haggling, we bought our Lexus RX350.







The entire family, including myself, are very excited about the car and we can't wait for long roadtrips.

What can I say?
We're just stimulating the economy.

No Relevance Allowed.

I absolutely love when the leaves on trees begin to develop into saturated reds, oranges, and yellows.
Cool breezes and warm leaves.



As for me, I'm feeling a bit under the weather.
I dislike the person I have morphed into as it grows colder.
It's strange, I'm strange, I'm sleepy.

Sleep is all I want.

& nothing more.

Iller than Influenza.

I am receiving my flu shot tomorrow.
And getting my yearly testing for TB.

On a different note, I watched this Korean movie based on a story of a North Korean family who is suffering from the horrible living conditions.
Being a tragedy, majority of the key characters in the movie die leaving the main character in a state of lunacy.

Tearing up during half of the movie, I never realized how much suffering and hardships my own fellow people have to go through.
Being half North Korean I almost feel guilty having all of the luxuries that I do.
I've realized what is important to me in my life: the ones I love and the mission of being on this tangible Earth. I am so thankful and blessed.

My prayer script is a little different tonight.

Timeless to Me.

I held my pistachio nut mounded ice cream cone in my shivering left hand as tears began to fill up my dry eyes.

At that very moment, all emotions, feelings, and thoughts struck me.
Out loud I was crying and ranting about how distressed I was over my ugly situation, yet inside I was realizing just how much I wanted to be with you and how I couldn't imagine my "ugly" life without you.

I enjoy everything about you.
Everything from your hugs to the way you eat, I love all of it.

Day after day, week after week, and month after month, nothing has changed.
Sure, schedules become fuller and responsibilities are clear, but our feelings and actions have never once been different.

As you grow, I grow. When I hurt, you hurt. As you laugh, I laugh.
We are one.

I spend hours upon hours with you, yet it never feels like enough, huh?
I always leave wanting more of your companionship.

I love you.
I could say that over a million times and mean it that much more each time.

You are my best friend.

Not Welcome.

My unpleasant "friend", RASHeed, hasn't left my chin yet.
So I "googled" different searches attempting to figure out what this strange rash is and how it got here.
My case hasn't gotten any worse, but it has really began to irritate me, both ways.

Some possibilities may be:
1. Perioral dermatitis, which is a rash that appears around the mouth and is usually found on young women. However, symptoms and signs are red bumps around the mouth.
I don't have that, and plus it's usually caused by steroid creams, which I don't use. Ever.

OR

2. Eczema, more of a common inflamed red rash. Various types of skin conditions fall under this category, but the most common condition is atopic dermatitis. The rashes tend to appear on the face, hands, knees, or feet. All ages may experience this condition, nevertheless eczema is commonly found on infants.



And to top off my rash, I am now lactose intolerant, sorta.
I've never had any memorable or horrifying experiences with dairy.
Eggs and milk have always been my friends, except when I was a vegan.

But in the past month or so, after drinking a shake with milk, or cup of coffee with cream, or a burger with cheese, or freshly baked cookies, I have been so deathly uncomfortable.

Some days I don't go through any discomfort, but just to be safe I have been taking a Lactaid with all things dairy.


I'm about to go crazy. Not really.

Image Courtesy: Amazon

Hello, Forty Four.

I stood in line inside a musty elementary school library behind a middle-aged white lady, who gracefully walked towards the desks full of volunteer workers and piles of ballots and address books. She proudly wore a denim button-up that displayed a "bedazzled" American flag that almost looked homemade. I somewhat giggled to myself out of excitement as she turned around while her weathered face grew a questioning look.
She must have voted several times throughout her life, marking her difference and inking her votes, a voting veteran.

This was my very first time. A voting virgin.
It was something very new and something so monumental.

I marked my ballot and left the little library walking a little bit taller.
I felt exceptionally privileged to be a part of history.



It was a given that Senator Barack Obama was going to be elected for the presidency.
He is a very intelligent man who is thriving to change the United States, something we definitely need.
I am exhilarated yet anxious for the change that is to come for our country.

Did I vote for Obama? Nope.
But in no way shape or form am I disappointed.
McCain ran a very strong campaign but was defeated, and the right man won.
I respect our new President.

Goodbye, Bush.

Cuddy Buddy.

Thank the Lord the weather is finally cooling down.

I am constantly posted on Weather.com and the news forecast just to know what to expect in our whacky Southern California weather.
Luckily, the highest the temperature is going to climb to is a high of eighty degrees.

So for now, it's just:
Snuggle weather.

And thank God I have the best person to snuggle with.

Grab your hoodies, booties, and partners.
It's time to get cozy.

Rash Times.

Last night I went through my regular routine of removing my make up and washing my face with my everyday cleanser.
I dried my water drenched face with a towel when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

What was that on my face?
A strange red patch of skin was painted againt my chin.
The skin looked dry and very irritated. I put some aloe on it hoping it would soothe this rash like patch, but it only inflamed the rash and caused a strange burning.

Tonight it looked just as bad, if worse. I am correlating my current annoyance to the abnormal weather change.
If the red patch worsens, I guess it will be time to visit my dermatologist.

Oh, and I thought I'd spare you from any disgusting pictures of my chin.

Chill, its not that bad.

Rainy Janie.

My October.

Before






After







To be completely straightforward, I am in no desire to aimlessly write my heart or mind out.

So here are a series of photographs I have taken myself this past month that portray me in a small light. The things I love, the things I ate, the experiences I had.
The last photograph was taken by David of DAM-IT at my birthday party thrown by my boyfriend.

Enjoy.













Although last month had many ups and downs, I look at each experience and situation as a growing opportunity.

I love my October.