Baby Jesus.

I was just about ready to say that this Christmas was the worst Christmas ever, but in reality--it's the baggage that comes with the holidays that makes today a bit heavy, definitely not the meaning of Christmas.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, but the past few weeks I've been drowning in the social norms of buying presents for loved ones, feeling merry, and thriving in the cold. Which led me to my boiling point, the point which took months and months to get to. The situations and attitudes that erupted today threw me off, and I felt this overbearing feeling of hatred and bitterness. For that, I genuinely apologize.

God put me in check. He made me step back, and stand in the shoes of the one I had ill feelings towards. At that moment, my heart was strained, my tongue was at a loss for words, and the tapes of my mind completely erased.

Today is Christmas. The day of remembering the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior, God's ultimate gift to us.
God gives us this day to appreciate one another, and to step back from our hectic lifestyles and to breathe for that one second. Those are the most precious gifts I could have ever asked for.

Merry Christmas.

By far, the best Christmas song:

Make Your Move.

"...I'm leaving; don't nobody worry. I'll be doing my damn thing quick-fast in a hurry.
Dreamweaving..."

It's been an eventful year, and I can honestly say that I've achieved quite a bit through the past twelve months--enough to pat myself on the back. I've grown a lot through trials, tears, and thrilling times. All in all, this was a good year, this was my year.

2009 started off on the rocks, and I was definitely getting some negative vibes. My pre-existing relationship was in turmoil, and all emotions had left my body. The once "optimistic Jane" was replaced with an indifferent girl who had ran around nameless. That indifferent girl could no longer live a life of lies. I made one of the smartest moves of my life, and pulled myself out of that relationship. And honestly, I thank God for the tough times He threw at me. At that moment, those hurdles seemed impossible to climb, but low and behold, God fell through and blessed me with more than I could ever imagine. I am so thankful to God for the truest of friends and the genuine friendships that have been molded over the past year. He's given me time to focus on myself for once, and to live life as me, boy-less, stress-less, limit-less, and just breathing.

While focusing on myself, my life was altered. You see, I lived my entire high school and college career aspiring to become an elementary school teacher, but things took a different course. During the middle of the year, I found myself--I found my ultimate calling--my intended course of study--my goal--my path: nursing. I love people. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. It all fell into place.

A moment of vulnerability: The past several months have been a blur. Things have been moving at lightning speed and I find myself recollecting on the past few months and remembering merely but faces and certain incidences. I haven't really taken the time to play out the things that have happened from the summer to now. In a sense, I feel like I pushed all memory out of the hallows of my brain, just so that I could keep a facade of optimism towards the people that have done me wrong. When honestly, I was burning up a little.

All of that was let go this past weekend. All of my previous misconceptions of people & their wrong doings were forgiven; and ultimately, I was forgiven. YNECM's Winter Retreat was a clear awakening. I was shaken and put into place. My life was twisted and my mentality was a bit clustered, but God amazingly weaved Himself into my life and provided life changing messages that are ever so applicable to my life and the people around me. I truly wish I could share exactly what I'm talking about, but I can't. It's not my "issue" to tell, but I just know that God is working in incredible and obvious ways. Trust.



Side note:
-I've lost 7-10 pounds in the past month and a half. (2 inches all around)
-I plan on selling some of my clothes. (i.e. Obey leather jacket, sneakers, etc.)
-I got a newer Blackberry.
-I've finally been using my Twitter. (@hellojanie)
-I was able to get all my Christmas shopping done a month before Christmas.
-I still can't get the earring off of my 2nd piercing.
-I wear less make up.
-I'm still keeping it real.

I'm loving life & looking forward to the next year.
So who's coming with me?

California Steez.

As much as I dislike hate rain, I must say that I am thankful that the rain has fallen and the storm has dominated because ultimately it means that winter is finally here.

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Image Courtesy: Flickr

I Should Have Dated ____.

You've crossed my mind the past few weeks, something that's been so foreign in my thought process as of late. The holidays are approaching and memories of the good and old begin to flood the halls of my crowded mind; and I've become frustrated with you, what you've become, and you blaming me for all of it. Baby, it takes two to tango.

Look in the mirror for once: you're filthy.