Going Bananas For:

1. Derma E: Glycolic Facial Cleanser


2. Coconut Water


3. Red & Pink Lipsticks


4. Clif: Mojo Peanut Butter Pretzel Bar


5. Minimal Makeup


6. Converse Chucks in White


7. Flats


8. Button Ups

9. The Selby (www.theselby.com)


10. 500 Days of Summer

22: Simple Things.

I went on a short trip to San Francisco this summer, and amidst the brief yet memorable experience I realized what journey I needed to be on. There was something just so homely about that city, something that words cannot describe or a picture cannot capture--it was what my heart felt while I was there, something that I took back home with me.

"When one door closes, another opens..." -Alexander Graham

In exactly one month, I turn 22. I will be leaving behind 21 years of my life and venturing off into my 22nd year of life. I'm not sure what to make of 22: hopeful, anxious, excited, uncertain, and indifferent are just a mere preview of the what I have felt about this coming age. 22.

Wishlist of Materialistic Junk:

1. Rebecca Minkoff: Clutch (black) - $300

2. Zara: Basic Twill Blazer (black) - $60

3. Tory Burch: Reva Ballet Flats (black) - $195

4. Madewell 1937: Mesh Bangle - $35

5. My Shaldan Air Freshener: Squash - $3

6. Chanel: Rouge Coco Lipstick in Mademoiselle - $30

7. Clarks Desert Boots (Boys 5) - $70

8. Moleskine: Drawing Notebook (small) - $10

9. Trader Joe's Kettle Corn - $2

10. Bouquet of yellow tulips - $4

Ironically, of all the things I want, listed & not listed, there's only one thing I have my heart set on.

Silver Lining.

This is probably the 100th time I've contemplated deleting my previous posts that pertain to my past relationship and past friendships. As much as I wish for my simple finger to quickly click on the 'delete' button, I know that I'll be kicking myself for deleting a part of who I am, was, and learned from.



I couldn't do it. My past is still there, silently mocking me of the mistakes I made, lies I told, and the person I chose to be. But as seasons changed, my attitude changed, and as my attitude changed, I ultimately changed. You'll never find me contemplating my past, wondering what I could have done, or what I shouldn't have done--but to be truthful, as of late, I've done just that.

It's been over a year of just me. And I could finally say that I am rested.
Amidst all of the chaos and darkness, I found light.

I found me.

Friday Morning Chats.

jessinreallife: It's just SO much info & we honestly don't need the book but it's impossible to keep up during his lectures

janeisdarling: Yeah, that was the same situation for me. I got a C in that class. It sucks too because he doesnt even handout outlines or anything.

janeisdarling: He's all over the place...like Jesus.

jessinreallife: Hahahahahahaha

jessinreallife: What is with you and comparing everyone to Jesus hahahahaha

janeisdarling: Hahaha, I just love Jesus.

No Subject.

In life there will always be people who you instantly click with, or you want to have that magnetic attraction with. I've felt that, experienced that, and even avoided that.



I'll keep this concise. Friends, acquaintances, always put your best and real foot forward--in all relationships & friendships.
In all honesty, relationships whether it be with family, friends, or significant others, are all we have in this dark world we live in.

Just sayin'.

I Love Her.

I think it's safe to say that I have one of the cutest dogs in the world. She's the best and so incredibly smart--she is Bagel.



*If viewing from Facebook and you cannot view the video posted, then click "View Original Post" and it'll redirect you to my blog.

Forever Matador.

Coming back to CSUN, while accompanying a friend, I find myself sitting on the second floor of the Oviatt Library, reminiscing back to my first three years of college. I was so mentally young, I was just seventeen. I thought I knew so much about life, what was in store for me in the future, and the career path I would follow. However, everything that was present back in 2006, is completely out of my life or not even an option.



My "knowledge", relationships, and course of study have completely changed. I entered CSUN thinking I knew a lot about life, having a solid boyfriend, and so certain that I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Now that three years have passed--I don't even go to CSUN anymore, I've been single for a happy one year, and I am now studying to be a Registered Nurse. It's crazy how life throws you curves.

Through all my strives, and all my "I HATE CSUN!" days, I find myself thankful to CSUN for being that one steady place that brings back so many memories with the people I once considered my close friends. In my heart, those people will always be true and dear to me, but as life changes, people change, and as people change--their surroundings change. And I'm okay with that.



CSUN is the essence of my college days, CSUN and the other Matadors I got to share it with.

Olé!

Thickity Thick.

Around a year ago, I was confessing about how I was on track to lose weight. At the time, I had already lost five pounds, but was still having trouble fitting into my size 27 jeans that I had bought on reserve.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and a year passed by.
And I am more than proud of myself where I could finally boast and say that I am officially standing at 5'6" and fit into a size 27. Altogether, I have lost 3 inches all around my body. I always thought that I was going to be a thick girl, well--I still am a thick girl, but somehow everything looks a bit more proportioned. I didn't do much to lose the inches, rather I just watched what I ate and took everything into moderation, making big meals into many mini meals. However, I do still find myself indulging in my favorites like the number three meal at McDonald's (name it, and I'll love you forever).



Of course I still have a lot of work to do in order to keep my body healthy. I genuinely miss running at the Rosebowl. Those 3.1 miles were my R&R. I found those moments, those runs, to be the most refreshing and the one thing that helped me get away from it all. I need to do a lot more cardio in order to condition my naturally weak heart back to strength. While doing so, my body too will have an advantage.

I'm definitely a work in progress,
because these dog walks just aren't cutting it.


Image Courtesy: Sartorially Inclined

Death of Me.

The 25th day and 15 more to go.
I want cupcakes, cheeseburgers, and the Pharcyde.



God, it may seem silly to others, but I need you more than ever.


Image Courtesy: Ipso Fattso

FUCK, SHIT, BITCH.

There are no other words to recount the painful encounters of stubbing a toe more perfectly than the three listed above. We all know it's nothing but those words that bleed from our mouths. It's inevitable.

It's an odd thing because cussing is something that I've really wrestled with, and at some point I had tackled it. However, in recent heated events I've found myself turning to these ignorant words that have no absolute value but have the power to make me look foolish and especially unintellectual.



I stubbed my toe the other day on my bed frame, and let me to tell you--the shots of fire that came from my mouth were indescribable. I had no idea that I was even capable of conjuring up such phrases. Honestly though, that painful minute or two of "FUCK, SHIT, BITCH" makes me feel incredibly ignorant, because how could something as big as me, a whole bodied human, be so affected by a little stubbed toe?


Life's obstacles and battles are like little stubbed toes.
It just depends on how we react to those painful moments.



Image Courtesy: Paul Scharff Photography

A Mere Guide.

I don't see the point of resolutions that are made the first day of the year. If you want to do something, or make a drastic change in your life--then DO IT. What's the point of waiting until January 1st to start cleaning up your life or setting goals for yourself?

Goals should be a standard part of life, an everyday factor, not something that you relabel and market as a resolution. However, I am ALL for goal lists or a yearly itinerary. Goals serve as a road map for my year, my life. Of course I might not be able to achieve all the things on my list, but circumstances are taken into account and nonetheless, I exit each year gracefully and entering the new year without grand expectations. Life is a food fight, you never know what's going to be thrown at you.

Resolutions Goals & Tid-Bits:
- Maintain an organized room.
- Taking care of my heart by exercising.
- Talking with God the 1st thing in the AM.
- Cooking at least 1 meal a week for my family.
- Taking my dogs on more walks.
- Go to Disneyland.
- Take a road trip.
- Fall in love with washing the dishes.
- Saving 1/3 of my paychecks.
- Get back in touch with old friends.
- Refrain from using curse words.
- Go to Rock the Bells.
- Attend as many Dodger games possible.
- Go to a freaking Laker game.
- Utilize my new ability to ride a bicycle.
- Putting my friends before myself.
- To not be a selective passive person.
- Step forward on my path to nursing.
- Live my freaking life.

Clean Slate 2010.

I was very fortunate to ring in the New Year with two of my closest friends and spending the first day of the year with my entire loving family. 2010 is already looking good.


Love.


3, 2, 1...YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

2010 is all about starting new and loving my gems, my family & friends.
It's definitely going to be a good one.

Baby Jesus.

I was just about ready to say that this Christmas was the worst Christmas ever, but in reality--it's the baggage that comes with the holidays that makes today a bit heavy, definitely not the meaning of Christmas.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, but the past few weeks I've been drowning in the social norms of buying presents for loved ones, feeling merry, and thriving in the cold. Which led me to my boiling point, the point which took months and months to get to. The situations and attitudes that erupted today threw me off, and I felt this overbearing feeling of hatred and bitterness. For that, I genuinely apologize.

God put me in check. He made me step back, and stand in the shoes of the one I had ill feelings towards. At that moment, my heart was strained, my tongue was at a loss for words, and the tapes of my mind completely erased.

Today is Christmas. The day of remembering the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior, God's ultimate gift to us.
God gives us this day to appreciate one another, and to step back from our hectic lifestyles and to breathe for that one second. Those are the most precious gifts I could have ever asked for.

Merry Christmas.

By far, the best Christmas song:

Make Your Move.

"...I'm leaving; don't nobody worry. I'll be doing my damn thing quick-fast in a hurry.
Dreamweaving..."

It's been an eventful year, and I can honestly say that I've achieved quite a bit through the past twelve months--enough to pat myself on the back. I've grown a lot through trials, tears, and thrilling times. All in all, this was a good year, this was my year.

2009 started off on the rocks, and I was definitely getting some negative vibes. My pre-existing relationship was in turmoil, and all emotions had left my body. The once "optimistic Jane" was replaced with an indifferent girl who had ran around nameless. That indifferent girl could no longer live a life of lies. I made one of the smartest moves of my life, and pulled myself out of that relationship. And honestly, I thank God for the tough times He threw at me. At that moment, those hurdles seemed impossible to climb, but low and behold, God fell through and blessed me with more than I could ever imagine. I am so thankful to God for the truest of friends and the genuine friendships that have been molded over the past year. He's given me time to focus on myself for once, and to live life as me, boy-less, stress-less, limit-less, and just breathing.

While focusing on myself, my life was altered. You see, I lived my entire high school and college career aspiring to become an elementary school teacher, but things took a different course. During the middle of the year, I found myself--I found my ultimate calling--my intended course of study--my goal--my path: nursing. I love people. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. It all fell into place.

A moment of vulnerability: The past several months have been a blur. Things have been moving at lightning speed and I find myself recollecting on the past few months and remembering merely but faces and certain incidences. I haven't really taken the time to play out the things that have happened from the summer to now. In a sense, I feel like I pushed all memory out of the hallows of my brain, just so that I could keep a facade of optimism towards the people that have done me wrong. When honestly, I was burning up a little.

All of that was let go this past weekend. All of my previous misconceptions of people & their wrong doings were forgiven; and ultimately, I was forgiven. YNECM's Winter Retreat was a clear awakening. I was shaken and put into place. My life was twisted and my mentality was a bit clustered, but God amazingly weaved Himself into my life and provided life changing messages that are ever so applicable to my life and the people around me. I truly wish I could share exactly what I'm talking about, but I can't. It's not my "issue" to tell, but I just know that God is working in incredible and obvious ways. Trust.



Side note:
-I've lost 7-10 pounds in the past month and a half. (2 inches all around)
-I plan on selling some of my clothes. (i.e. Obey leather jacket, sneakers, etc.)
-I got a newer Blackberry.
-I've finally been using my Twitter. (@hellojanie)
-I was able to get all my Christmas shopping done a month before Christmas.
-I still can't get the earring off of my 2nd piercing.
-I wear less make up.
-I'm still keeping it real.

I'm loving life & looking forward to the next year.
So who's coming with me?

California Steez.

As much as I dislike hate rain, I must say that I am thankful that the rain has fallen and the storm has dominated because ultimately it means that winter is finally here.

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Image Courtesy: Flickr

I Should Have Dated ____.

You've crossed my mind the past few weeks, something that's been so foreign in my thought process as of late. The holidays are approaching and memories of the good and old begin to flood the halls of my crowded mind; and I've become frustrated with you, what you've become, and you blaming me for all of it. Baby, it takes two to tango.

Look in the mirror for once: you're filthy.

Winter Wishlist.

Everything from practicality to ridiculous requests, here are just a few of my favorite things.


Cupcake Carrier - Target - $21.99


KitchenAid Mixer - $249.99


Doris Orange Apron - Crate & Barrel - $26.65


Narrow Leg Vanity - West Elm -$319


Brown Suede Ankle Hi Tramper - Minnetonka Moccasins - $49.95


Petit Noe Epi Leather - Louis Vuitton - $1,160


Snake Check Hoody - Crooks & Castles - $84


Rainbow Room Cardigan - Married to the Mob - $88


Stanford Zip Hoodie - Victoria's Secret - $45


2010 Daily Planner Box Set - Moleskine - $39.95


Up DVD - Best Buy - $24.99


Entourage Season 1-5 - Best Buy - $179.99


Chuck Taylor Black or Navy Hi Top - Converse - $44.99


Disneyland - $72

Haha, just to name a few.

Fakes, Faith, & Headbands.

I've dodged around typing out all honesty, but tonight I cracked. I feel a little jaded and a bit self absorbed, but hear me out. For the past few months, I lived life bending over backwards to make people happy, to live up to expectations, and to maintain & improve a specific image. That all came crashing down when people decided to "discuss" a few things about me, and I ultimately found out.

It's funny how regardless of location, environment, beliefs, age, maturity, or stages of life, people always and I mean always insist on talking, gossiping, bashing, & polluting. Not to say that I've never gossiped in my life, I am definitely guilty of bringing down people; I'm human. However, I make big strides not to talk about people that aren't present in the conversation, because I don't think people realize how disappointing or hurtful it is to be bashed on or talked about until it actually happens to them.

All it takes is one incident, one story, one person, one mouth, & one ear to damage a person. Eleanor Roosevelt famously stated, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Let's change the topic, "friends."

Shaking Things Up.

As anxiously sat in my seat, awaiting the arrival of my speech professor, I went over my scribbled index cards over and over again. Continuously telling myself that I wasn't ready, I looked at my watch and to my luck, fifteen minutes had passed since the original class time, 10:25 am. Fifteen minutes! At Pasadena College, or many universities, if a professor is more than fifteen minutes late to a class session that students are allowed to leave the class. I totally lucked out and didn't have to present a speech on Earthquakes that wasn't ready to be spoken about.



Yes, earthquakes are my expertise. My fascination with earthquakes was brought to life in my Geology course last semester. It is such a lively topic that really relates to everyday life. The minute I hear about: seismic waves, magnitude, faults, boundaries, intensity, plate movements, fault scarps, stresses, elastic rebound theory, etc. I get very excited and drawn to the conversation. I guess everyone has a little "nerd" in them, and mine happens to be a geological nerd who's into earthquakes and rocks. Who knew?



I'll leave you with this, a quote from Jack London's journal entry about the 1906 Great San Francisco Earthquake, which had a magnitude of 7.7 and resulted in over 700 casualties:

"Not in history has a modern imperial city been so completely destroyed. San Francisco is gone. Nothing remains of it but memories and a fringe of dwelling-houses on its outskirts."

Get ready, California. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Wild Child.

When I was a kid "Where the Wild Things Are" was my favorite book and even still now it is one of my most coveted. I use to perceive the story to be about a kid named Max who imagines a magical forest surrounded by monster like creatures, rules over the Wild Things as king, and returns home to a bowl of hot porridge.

While watching "Where the Wild Things Are", I was searching for the meaning of the film, the message Spike Jonze was throwing out. Even a few days after, I would sit and try to figure out what this freaking movie was about: "Why was it such a dark message? Is it about the battle between man and himself?...this thought, that thought." When all along the message was there, right in front of me. One of the Wild Things simply states in the film:

"...We forget how to have fun."

As adults we get so caught up with endless responsibilities and Mt. Everest like stresses, that sometimes we forget to just breathe & let loose. Whether you're plagued by loneliness, money issues, significant other drama, self esteem problems, and so on, JUST BREATHE and have a little bit of fun. Let's not get too tied up with this economic turmoil and disaster like mentality: Life ain't too shabby when you appreciate the things around you.



"BE STILL!"
Childhood is calling.