Baby Jesus.

I was just about ready to say that this Christmas was the worst Christmas ever, but in reality--it's the baggage that comes with the holidays that makes today a bit heavy, definitely not the meaning of Christmas.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, but the past few weeks I've been drowning in the social norms of buying presents for loved ones, feeling merry, and thriving in the cold. Which led me to my boiling point, the point which took months and months to get to. The situations and attitudes that erupted today threw me off, and I felt this overbearing feeling of hatred and bitterness. For that, I genuinely apologize.

God put me in check. He made me step back, and stand in the shoes of the one I had ill feelings towards. At that moment, my heart was strained, my tongue was at a loss for words, and the tapes of my mind completely erased.

Today is Christmas. The day of remembering the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior, God's ultimate gift to us.
God gives us this day to appreciate one another, and to step back from our hectic lifestyles and to breathe for that one second. Those are the most precious gifts I could have ever asked for.

Merry Christmas.

By far, the best Christmas song:

Make Your Move.

"...I'm leaving; don't nobody worry. I'll be doing my damn thing quick-fast in a hurry.
Dreamweaving..."

It's been an eventful year, and I can honestly say that I've achieved quite a bit through the past twelve months--enough to pat myself on the back. I've grown a lot through trials, tears, and thrilling times. All in all, this was a good year, this was my year.

2009 started off on the rocks, and I was definitely getting some negative vibes. My pre-existing relationship was in turmoil, and all emotions had left my body. The once "optimistic Jane" was replaced with an indifferent girl who had ran around nameless. That indifferent girl could no longer live a life of lies. I made one of the smartest moves of my life, and pulled myself out of that relationship. And honestly, I thank God for the tough times He threw at me. At that moment, those hurdles seemed impossible to climb, but low and behold, God fell through and blessed me with more than I could ever imagine. I am so thankful to God for the truest of friends and the genuine friendships that have been molded over the past year. He's given me time to focus on myself for once, and to live life as me, boy-less, stress-less, limit-less, and just breathing.

While focusing on myself, my life was altered. You see, I lived my entire high school and college career aspiring to become an elementary school teacher, but things took a different course. During the middle of the year, I found myself--I found my ultimate calling--my intended course of study--my goal--my path: nursing. I love people. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. It all fell into place.

A moment of vulnerability: The past several months have been a blur. Things have been moving at lightning speed and I find myself recollecting on the past few months and remembering merely but faces and certain incidences. I haven't really taken the time to play out the things that have happened from the summer to now. In a sense, I feel like I pushed all memory out of the hallows of my brain, just so that I could keep a facade of optimism towards the people that have done me wrong. When honestly, I was burning up a little.

All of that was let go this past weekend. All of my previous misconceptions of people & their wrong doings were forgiven; and ultimately, I was forgiven. YNECM's Winter Retreat was a clear awakening. I was shaken and put into place. My life was twisted and my mentality was a bit clustered, but God amazingly weaved Himself into my life and provided life changing messages that are ever so applicable to my life and the people around me. I truly wish I could share exactly what I'm talking about, but I can't. It's not my "issue" to tell, but I just know that God is working in incredible and obvious ways. Trust.



Side note:
-I've lost 7-10 pounds in the past month and a half. (2 inches all around)
-I plan on selling some of my clothes. (i.e. Obey leather jacket, sneakers, etc.)
-I got a newer Blackberry.
-I've finally been using my Twitter. (@hellojanie)
-I was able to get all my Christmas shopping done a month before Christmas.
-I still can't get the earring off of my 2nd piercing.
-I wear less make up.
-I'm still keeping it real.

I'm loving life & looking forward to the next year.
So who's coming with me?

California Steez.

As much as I dislike hate rain, I must say that I am thankful that the rain has fallen and the storm has dominated because ultimately it means that winter is finally here.

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Image Courtesy: Flickr

I Should Have Dated ____.

You've crossed my mind the past few weeks, something that's been so foreign in my thought process as of late. The holidays are approaching and memories of the good and old begin to flood the halls of my crowded mind; and I've become frustrated with you, what you've become, and you blaming me for all of it. Baby, it takes two to tango.

Look in the mirror for once: you're filthy.

Winter Wishlist.

Everything from practicality to ridiculous requests, here are just a few of my favorite things.


Cupcake Carrier - Target - $21.99


KitchenAid Mixer - $249.99


Doris Orange Apron - Crate & Barrel - $26.65


Narrow Leg Vanity - West Elm -$319


Brown Suede Ankle Hi Tramper - Minnetonka Moccasins - $49.95


Petit Noe Epi Leather - Louis Vuitton - $1,160


Snake Check Hoody - Crooks & Castles - $84


Rainbow Room Cardigan - Married to the Mob - $88


Stanford Zip Hoodie - Victoria's Secret - $45


2010 Daily Planner Box Set - Moleskine - $39.95


Up DVD - Best Buy - $24.99


Entourage Season 1-5 - Best Buy - $179.99


Chuck Taylor Black or Navy Hi Top - Converse - $44.99


Disneyland - $72

Haha, just to name a few.

Fakes, Faith, & Headbands.

I've dodged around typing out all honesty, but tonight I cracked. I feel a little jaded and a bit self absorbed, but hear me out. For the past few months, I lived life bending over backwards to make people happy, to live up to expectations, and to maintain & improve a specific image. That all came crashing down when people decided to "discuss" a few things about me, and I ultimately found out.

It's funny how regardless of location, environment, beliefs, age, maturity, or stages of life, people always and I mean always insist on talking, gossiping, bashing, & polluting. Not to say that I've never gossiped in my life, I am definitely guilty of bringing down people; I'm human. However, I make big strides not to talk about people that aren't present in the conversation, because I don't think people realize how disappointing or hurtful it is to be bashed on or talked about until it actually happens to them.

All it takes is one incident, one story, one person, one mouth, & one ear to damage a person. Eleanor Roosevelt famously stated, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Let's change the topic, "friends."

Shaking Things Up.

As anxiously sat in my seat, awaiting the arrival of my speech professor, I went over my scribbled index cards over and over again. Continuously telling myself that I wasn't ready, I looked at my watch and to my luck, fifteen minutes had passed since the original class time, 10:25 am. Fifteen minutes! At Pasadena College, or many universities, if a professor is more than fifteen minutes late to a class session that students are allowed to leave the class. I totally lucked out and didn't have to present a speech on Earthquakes that wasn't ready to be spoken about.



Yes, earthquakes are my expertise. My fascination with earthquakes was brought to life in my Geology course last semester. It is such a lively topic that really relates to everyday life. The minute I hear about: seismic waves, magnitude, faults, boundaries, intensity, plate movements, fault scarps, stresses, elastic rebound theory, etc. I get very excited and drawn to the conversation. I guess everyone has a little "nerd" in them, and mine happens to be a geological nerd who's into earthquakes and rocks. Who knew?



I'll leave you with this, a quote from Jack London's journal entry about the 1906 Great San Francisco Earthquake, which had a magnitude of 7.7 and resulted in over 700 casualties:

"Not in history has a modern imperial city been so completely destroyed. San Francisco is gone. Nothing remains of it but memories and a fringe of dwelling-houses on its outskirts."

Get ready, California. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Wild Child.

When I was a kid "Where the Wild Things Are" was my favorite book and even still now it is one of my most coveted. I use to perceive the story to be about a kid named Max who imagines a magical forest surrounded by monster like creatures, rules over the Wild Things as king, and returns home to a bowl of hot porridge.

While watching "Where the Wild Things Are", I was searching for the meaning of the film, the message Spike Jonze was throwing out. Even a few days after, I would sit and try to figure out what this freaking movie was about: "Why was it such a dark message? Is it about the battle between man and himself?...this thought, that thought." When all along the message was there, right in front of me. One of the Wild Things simply states in the film:

"...We forget how to have fun."

As adults we get so caught up with endless responsibilities and Mt. Everest like stresses, that sometimes we forget to just breathe & let loose. Whether you're plagued by loneliness, money issues, significant other drama, self esteem problems, and so on, JUST BREATHE and have a little bit of fun. Let's not get too tied up with this economic turmoil and disaster like mentality: Life ain't too shabby when you appreciate the things around you.



"BE STILL!"
Childhood is calling.

Corneal & Beans.

I've been wanting to make my family dinner for the past few weeks, but never really got around to doing it with my somewhat hectic schedule. However, tonight was the night, especially since I skipped out on my Bio Lab due to my corneal ulcer--yeah, it's that bad (my eye is bloodshot, sensitive, & achy). I wasn't sure what to make so I made my favorite: Mexican food! As long as my family was content eating it, and enjoyed the company of one another I was happy. My goal was definitely accomplished & dinner wasn't too shabby!

Corneal Ulcer.


Bagel.


Bagel's friend, Billy.


Chicken fajitas.


Mexican corn, Spanish rice, & black beans.


Fresh guacamole with cilantro & diced onions.


Homemade salsa with cerrano chiles.


Overall.


VIVA LA FAMILIA!

"Wants" I Needed.

There are several items on my Wish List that were crossed off within the past few weeks.
I've done a little light shopping tackling necessities that I've wanted. I try my best not to over shop, focus too much on my outer appearance, or splurge on things I really just do not need. But I will be the first to admit that it is so freaking difficult to put down those shoes you've wanted forever or those jeans that fit you oh, so perfectly. I guess it also doesn't hurt to reward yourself once in awhile after a hard week's worth of work. Ya dig?

My mama bought this classic bag I've wanted via Duty Free Peru.

Longchamp - $145

I somewhat needed nuevo jeans after losing a few pounds.

True Religion - $110

Always a need: Simple black flats (that injured my feet).

Sam Edelman - $99.95

Jess & I stopped by Lush & picked up a facial mask for my "teenage" skin. It literally smells like mint chocolate.

Lush Cosmetics - $5.95


I definitely need to tone it down with my shopping. I had my splurge & now I definitely want to focus on saving money and later investing elsewhere--like a property.

Sigh, oh the responsibilities of an adult life.

Diamonds.

I am incredibly fortunate to say that I have an awesome backbone and the best blessings in life surrounding me. My family and friends mean the world to me, and my twenty first birthday would have been a bit quieter without them. With that said, I want to express my gratitude for each one of you who made me feel special yesterday.



I want to thank my friends especially for the most delicate and appropriate gift anyone has ever given me. I'm proud to boast that my friends gave me a beautiful necklace that shows off a small diamond encrusted circular pendant. To me, the pendant represents the friendships I've made this past year--my friends are diamonds in my eyes, both literally & figuratively. These friendships will be never ending to me, whether it be throughout my life or through vivid memories--these friendships are forever. It is so fitting, so simple, so me.

I am Jane Olivia Kim.
I am finally twenty one.
I am floating on air.

City of Hoping.

As we zoomed on the 210 freeway, time almost stood still as we passed by the City of Hope. I spotted the lit up hospital windows glimmering against the almost black backdrop, and at that very moment every thought, every memory, every trace of him came back to me and nudged my heart. My heart went back to May 14, 2008.

It's been almost a year and half since the death of my close friend, Brian Mammen. To this day I can't shake off the memory of him, the simpleness of our friendship, and the neglecting that continuously poured from my hands. I remember the first time I visited Brian at the City of Hope. He had began his third round of chemotherapy after his surgery. I had never seen Brian so quiet, so mellow, so jaded. Despite the tumors, cancer, or side effects of chemo, Brian always found ways to make me smile. He had his ways of making me feel special, constantly letting me know that I was one of his closest friends--even if we didn't hang out all the time.

As much as I hate making this post about myself, inevitably it's going to pertain to me. I thank Brian for being such a constant friend who always made time for me, whether it be through a Myspace comment or an IM. He ultimately showed me the perfect and sincere example of a "true friend"--something that I strive to be. I just hate the fact that I realized this now. I wish that I had made more time for Brian. I wish that I had realized that all it took was to reply back to his IM's. I beat myself up every single time I have the image of Brian messaging me our inside jokes--waiting and waiting for just one response from me, but barely receiving replies. It breaks every single part of my body apart. My heart aches, and my brain begins to not function. I hope to be the best that I can in all of my relationships/friendships.

About Brian's Battle.

I live my life with absolutely no regrets, except one:
I regret not spending more time with Brian Mammen, my truest friend.

I Will Fix You.

I've spent the bulk of my summer in Korea being a nomad amongst my own people. I was given the opportunity to share the love of God using English as a tool to harvest His kingdom. I went to Korea with the mindset to give God, but instead I left having been given God. Growing closer to Christ, gaining new friends, and grasping a new perspective on life are just some of the main highlights that encompass this mission trip. I feel so incredibly blessed.

Prior to my trip, I made some pretty critical decisions that will consequently alter my life--nothing negative, nothing bad. In fact, my decisions harbor only good things for my life. After being set on my visions of being an elementary school teacher--something that I was set on for 6 years--I've changed my major to Nursing in hopes of becoming a registered nurse.



It's a big task and roads of obstacles, but I am on fire. My goal in life is to help people, whether I make a lot of money or not wasn't the question. Regardless of what I choose as a career, I just know that I HAVE to help people, help people to be happy, and to help people be the best they can. Many people doubt my abilities of doing this, my parents stress about the hard working conditions I will have to face--but all in all, I have faith and trust in God to provide me with His strength and His grace. '

Teaching will always be something I love to do and something that I may ALWAYS fall back on. As for now, I know nursing is what I have to do. When you get a phone call, you answer, right?

Well, Nursing called...and I answered.

Slipping.

"...for we walk by faith, not by sight."
2 Corinthians 5:7

Unwelcomed & Welcomed.

In one of my classes today, a guy cornered me by accusing me of having a Twitter which I totally admitted to having. Then he went on to say, "You're Asian, you must have a Facebook, Myspace, Xanga, and Livejournal. You, Asians, always have all that shit." I'm not sure what offended me about this ignorant statement, but I had this feeling of pity and disgust for this guy. I've noticed that every single time he speaks all that spills from his tongue is dirt, negativity, and the most foul stench of hatred. Anyways, he failed to mention Blogger. I HAVE A BLOGGER.



I'm not sure what it is about these late nights that have been keeping me up. Nothing from my past is haunting me if that's what any of you guys were thinking, rather I think my head is filled up with worries and I am constantly finding myself wanting to escape some of the realities in my life. Not going into too much detail, I'm not sure if it's normal for me to feel as normal and happy as I do. There's a lot of pain and suffering in this world and around me, yet it's so difficult for me to find that compassion. That's one of the many things that I lean on God for. I pray each day for compassion and understanding -- a huge aspect of my life that needs to grow.

It's already May, which marks the month of my amazing friend Brian's memorial. Thinking back to a year ago, everyone including myself had no idea what was to happen in the month of May. I think about Brian a lot, I think about him on every 14th day of the month. I don't think this is something I could ever shake off. I have so much gratitude towards Brian for showing me life through his death. He is an absolutely beautiful being. That's just how he is -- constantly making impressions & impacts everywhere he went to everyone he met. Life is fragile and I've been wasting my time toying with emotions and being selfish.


It's time to get serious.

No Bueno, Lindsay.

SMH.

Find the Fail.

m1kethesn1pe: should have just rolled like my folks in china
m1kethesn1pe: staight donkey ride.
Jane is Darling: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. have you ever?
m1kethesn1pe: rode a donkey?
m1kethesn1pe: no i have not
Jane is Darling: i dont know if im proud to say this -- but ive ridden a donkey before.
m1kethesn1pe: hahaha
m1kethesn1pe: where was this?
Jane is Darling: grand canyon circa 1997.
m1kethesn1pe: actually..........
m1kethesn1pe: i think i too have ridden a donkey.
m1kethesn1pe: in preschool.
m1kethesn1pe: lakeview x '90
Jane is Darling: how effing cute! hhahahahaha
Jane is Darling: '90...i was 2.
Jane is Darling: wait what yr were you born? 83 or 84?
m1kethesn1pe: 86
Jane is Darling: i was way off.
m1kethesn1pe: FAIL.
Jane is Darling: -__-
m1kethesn1pe: HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHH
m1kethesn1pe: rode donkey preschool '90
m1kethesn1pe: born 1983-84
m1kethesn1pe: 7 year old preschooler
m1kethesn1pe: HAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHA
Jane is Darling: ...SHUT UP.
Jane is Darling: math isn't my thing.
m1kethesn1pe: hahaha
m1kethesn1pe: that's the bestest ever

Get a Mac.

I'M SO EXCITED! I cracked and I'm finally getting a Macbook. After four years of being faithful to my Dell, I've decided to make the switch over to Apple. I was battling between the polycarbonate and aluminum unibody, but decided I'd rather dish out an extra $200 (student discount) and get the unibody Mac. It's finally nice to upgrade my laptop even though my Dell is in very good condition and is running perfectly. I guess I just wanted something that was more compact -- and something that was an Apple product. Like I said, I cracked.



"Brains...and beauty."


Image Courtesy: MacOrStock?

Don't Deny It.

So Misha, Jessica, and I were talking about music back in "our day" and we listed so many songs and so many artists that brought back so many memories of good times. One group that we kept referring back to and kept gabbing about was Dream. They were best known for their song "He Loves U Not" and I just remember all the girls in junior high thinking they were the "bizness" because they knew all the lyrics and all the dance moves -- I know this because I was one of these girls. Don't hate, at least I admit it!



If you're on Facebook:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oi0UcSoIm0

Now tell me you don't remember this song.

Stuffed.

I ate way too much today, and it didn't help that I mainly ate sweets. But regardless of how huge I feel right now it was totally worth it. Happy birthday again, Janice!

Things I ate:
1) Protein shake
2) Leftover Zankou Chicken
3) Bag of baked chips
4) Goldfish crackers
5) Haagen Dazs Vanilla ice cream
6) Chocolate chip cookies
7) Buffet/cafeteria at USC
8) Yogurtland



All in big portions too. Fatass coming your way.

Broken Heart.

Since Friday morning, my heartbeat has been irregular. It's extremely uncomfortable and makes me want to tear my heart out of my chest. I've lived with this all my life and have gone through many hours at the cardiologist's, it's a heart disease called Mitral Valve Prolapse. In short, my heart is deformed and the valves don't close and pump properly and causes blood to leak -- leaving me uncomfortable bursts of irregularity ranging from two seconds to several days. It's a common disease and it is commonly found in women. The symptoms are an irregular heartbeat, fatigue, dizziness, light-headedness, chest pain, shortness of breath, lack of energy, and in very rare cases -- sudden death.



I've been trying to keep it easy by relaxing my body and drinking ice cold water. But I've found that sleeping is the only way I don't feel the discomfort. If my heart doesn't calm down by Tuesday, I'll be in dire need of my cardiologist.

Pray.


Image Courtesy: Beaumont Hospitals

What a Stud.

I finally got the earrings I had been dreaming of for months. The search is finally over, and I am uncontrollably stoked to wear them tomorrow.


Nadri Pavé Stud - $58
(My earrings are a bit larger and not as circular.)

Oh, Janie, you're sparkling.


Image Courtesy: Nordstroms

American Apparel Fail.

This morning while I was avoiding getting ready to start off my day, I procrastinated by surfing the web. I checked my usual: Facebook, Blogger, Hypebeast, The Hundreds, and Jak&Jil. Since, that took me only several minutes I decided to check out American Apparel's website that I hadn't visited in a couple of weeks.

American Apparel has always been pretty simple, the basics--however they've been pulling some weird concepts and designs that aren't to my liking. I love their basics and over sized Ts, but I'm not too big on their prints and cut & sew items. So it wasn't a big shock when I clicked "New Styles" and low and behold a flood of pure ugly designs flooded my screen.

The sad thing is that I know I will see a ton of hipster girls wearing these ugly fashions thinking they're so eclectic and different from the world with their grungy hair usually covered by a floppy overworked beanie, distressed boots, over sized cardigan from Urban, and a bitchy attitude developed from their God-complex. Eh. A word of advice to American Apparel--please, stop trying to be so damn unique for the sake of those who have to encounter these new age hipsters.

Seriously? Why?


The f*ck? These look like adult diapers.


Plus, everything is way overpriced. That freaking clear dress is $42.
EPIC FAIL.


Image Courtesy: American Apparel

Diamond Ring.

Diamond Supply Co. definitely is not one of my favorite brands, they actually aren't even in my Top 10. However, I love their name and their logo. I was surfing Hypebeast's site when I saw a photograph of a "diamond" shaped carabiner by Diamond! I'm pretty sure I need to get my hands on one as soon as Diamond Supply Co. releases this God-given keychain.



The tiffany one, and the BMW keys for me, please.


Image Courtesy: Hypebeast

This Day On.

Every part of me is tired.

And everything has changed.

Great Weight.

I've been feeling stuffy lately, not physically or emotionally, but just my being. The past few weeks I've been having these strange dreams where I only hear people's voices, people I know but don't talk to on a daily. I find it somewhat eerie and frightening where it's become difficult for me, mid night, to doze off again. I may just have too much on my brain, too many concerns, too many dilemmas, just too much. I'm not one to worry nor stress, but lately "stresses" have gotten the best of me.

It's unfathomable how intense responsibilities become as I progress in life. I was spoon fed my entire life; I never really had to work too hard to get the things I wanted. Not to say my life is a struggle for me to get by, I know I have an amazing life. My family is extremely blessed financially and hands down I thank God for that. However, I am still concerned about being and living on my own. Once I achieve my profession as an elementary school teacher and/or a speech therapist, will there be any jobs for me? I know my Aunt who owns a school will guarantee a job for me, but I want to know that I can snag a job all by myself. I want to know that I am qualified, that I am charming enough, that my future school wants me because they would believe me to be a valuable asset to their school or district.

On a different rant, I haven't seen some of my friends in months, some since the new year began. I've been missing in action and really ought to rekindle a lot of my relationships. I miss my girls (Death Row & Kitties), all the L&O guys, Thuy, and Debbie Tan. I'm sorry for my absence, and I know that you all understand. As for someone else who shall remain nameless, I really don't know what happened with this person I was once extremely close to, we've lost touch and if lucky we talk once every two months. I guess the only thing I can say is that I understand that things change as time goes on and life curves, but just know that you'll always be my best friend and my "go to" girl. I'm so corny.

I've been missing my friend, Brian Mammen, who sadly past away last May. As his memorial approaches, I think about all those times that he wanted to talk on AIM, but I was simply too busy or preoccupied. I remember the times we used to play XBOX at his house or how we used to play on his electric keyboard. He really cared about me, and that makes me feel extremely guilty because for the seven years I knew him I can count on two hands how many times I hung out with him. What kind of friend is that? The ninth time I saw him was the day before he past, I don't think anyone will ever make an impact on my life the way Brian did. All I can say is that I feel dark about this situation and this is the one and only thing I regret in my life, not being there enough for him. I know he is shining in Heaven. If you knew him, you would know exactly what I mean.


I hate how I manage to talk about myself all the time.

Fatass Revealed.

My small group took an excursion to Yogurtland in Little Tokyo today. I mixed Original and Blueberry yogurt together and topped it off with almonds, strawberries, and kiwis. BAD IDEA. I think I'm allergic to kiwis. Since I've left Yogurtland, my upper lip has been itchy and swollen. I feel like Angelina Jolie or the Octo Mom, it's not attractive.

I've been craving pizza lately (not Italian thin pizza, but junky Pizza Hut style pizza, grease and everything). Fortunately, today is Sunday, my "eat anything I want" day! I just ordered a large Supreme pizza, and I can't wait to devour three slices with ranch dressing. I was tempted to order breadsticks, but c'mon, a girl's got to watch her figure. Oh and since when did Pizza Hut start going by "The Hut"?! I've been so out of the loop. Is Domino's still "Domino's" or is it "Dom's"?



On a side note: I don't know exactly why, but it really bugs me when people copy the things that I do. Maybe it's a pride issue and I really ought to let petty things like imitation go, but it's just a constant struggle I have. I just can't comprehend people who use other people's original ideas and creativity and brand them as their own. How irritating. Anyways, from now on I take all imitation as flattery. I am Diamond (only a select few will understand what that means).

I could be SUCH a bitch sometimes. I apologize.


Image Source: Huntington Robotics & Photobucket

WTF, Nike?

I feel like shoe designers are running out of ideas. Why on Earth would someone think the combination of saddle brown and baby pink would go perfectly together on Air Jordan 1s? BARF.


Image and Info Source: Hypebeast

You Are a Telepath.

It's so frustrating how teeny little things seem to distract me from almost anything and everything. For instance, I have been trying to study for my History essay exam for the past two hours, but all I've gotten done is reading the essay questions. What is wrong with me? I guess the easy answer would be that I have SO much on my mind. I've almost deleted my blog because lately I see no point in writing, but I know if I deleted this then I'd be incredibly sad. My circle of friends has changed and evolved. Well, not my "circle" of friends, I guess I'm just referring to my phone book. I've been meeting new people left and right and I love it, Jane the social butterfly is BACK. It's been taking me almost fifteen minutes to get out of bed every morning. I just lay there and stare at my ceiling and my phone. And I've been going to bed with a headache for the past week. My heart has been floating and also been weighed down. I have been a different kind of happy lately, a "happy" that I've been feeling on my own not depending on another person. It's liberating. I'm pretty outspoken about experiences and details in my life, and I suddenly feel the urge to change that about myself. I feel like private things need to be kept private, no matter how comfortable I am talking about my life. Since February, I've lost over six pounds, or about two inches all around. Who knew that losing just a little bit of weight could uplift someone's spirits? Working out and losing weight is an addiction. My posts have been all over the place, no structure whatsoever. Uh, I feel like I've been a depressing dipshit to everyone around me. I want to go shopping so badly, since I lost a couple inches around my body, my clothes fit a bit looser. I'm just making excuses to shop. I got a new dog two nights ago. She's a four year old Maltese/Poodle mix and her name is Angel, but I'm convinced her name is Bonita, I love that name. I have so many things to do within the next couple months. Sometimes I feel the need to scream, so I do so when I'm driving, I bet I look crazy. But hey, it relieves my stress. I'm pretty sure I bombed my Geology test today. My test was 114 questions, WTF. I've been cursing an ugly deal lately, and I really want to cut back on cussing. I think it's really unattractive when every other word is "fuck" or "shit." I've always believed that "bitch" was an okay term to use, and I sometimes say it in front of my parents. I need to use my DSLR more often, I've been studying the manual and shopping for a new lenses. I really want a wide angle lens and a telephoto lens. I think within the next few months my mom is going to buy me a Macbook. I finally convinced her I needed a new laptop. I want the gold python Tory Burch flats, but they're discontinued so I may have to buy them online. I can't wait until the Blackberry Niagara comes to Verizon Wireless, no matter how cool the iphone is. I've been listening to some ghetto ass music lately and I've also been getting into Deadmau5...eff you, Patrick Hsu. It's insane how it's eighty degrees outside but sixty five degrees inside my house, and the AC isn't even on. Yesterday, I knocked out for three hours, in the middle of the day, NO BUENO. I need Spring Break, soon. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do mediocre on my test today. My room needs to be cleaned, I've been avoiding it badly. I need to study. My stomach hurts and everything. End.

Hot Tribe?!

I was hoping I was having a nightmare, but clearly I wasn't. A Tribe Called Quest merchandise is officially being sold at Hot Topics nationwide. Hot Topic, the place where people get their Goth makeup, hardcore band tees, and ugly plastic plugs. WHAT THE HELL?!
Anyways, I almost died when I saw this in the display window, and my friend had to convince me that it was "a good thing," but I just couldn't see the positive outcome.



Two thumbs down!

I Love You.

As some of you may know, I hate a lot of things, in reference to a few posts back, but with my hate comes a lot of love for things. So enjoy my "concise" compilation of LOVES/LIKES (and just remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, including myself).



I love/like:
Jesus Christ. My family. The feeling of falling asleep with socks on in bed, and mid-night taking the socks off. Turning over my pillow after it gets warm. Laying in clean sheets. Laundry right out of the dryer. Sunny cold days. Gold hoop earrings. All things diamonds. Over sized sweatshirts and short shorts for sleeping. Nude color nail polish. Big dogs, like German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers, Huskies, etc. Packing for a trip. Coming home after a long trip. Cooking for people. Chewing gum. Chapstick, not lip gloss. All things purple. Late night drives listening to instrumentals. Driving at night with the windows down and the heater on high. Mexican food. Chipotle. Bear hugs. Walking around in new surroundings. Stella Artois. My digital SLR. Photographing people and objects. Fashion. Runway. Streetwear. A Tribe Called Quest. Simple people, don't need any complication. The Last Lecture. My Blackberry. All things cherry and blue raspberry flavor. Complimenting people. Lucas candy. Sundresses worn with flats. Long text messages. "That's what she said." The Office. Entourage. Calling people by their full names. Los Angeles. Rap music with fat beats. Hanging with my mommy, she's the most amazing. Thinking I'm going to do poorly on a test, but acing the damn test! Usher. Eating. Blueberries. Theatre arts, always and forever. Long showers. Laying in soft sand. Attempting to rap along to Tupac's greatest hits. Leather jackets. Making people feel comfortable. Corn on the cob. Total Care Listerine. Over sized handbags. Tube tops. Music, smells, and places that remind me of people or good times. Working out when I feel out of shape. Red Velvet cupcakes. Lee's Sandwiches. Giving and taking advice. Laughing so much that my abs and jaws begin to hurt. Living my life.

KTHANKSBYE.