Great Weight.

I've been feeling stuffy lately, not physically or emotionally, but just my being. The past few weeks I've been having these strange dreams where I only hear people's voices, people I know but don't talk to on a daily. I find it somewhat eerie and frightening where it's become difficult for me, mid night, to doze off again. I may just have too much on my brain, too many concerns, too many dilemmas, just too much. I'm not one to worry nor stress, but lately "stresses" have gotten the best of me.

It's unfathomable how intense responsibilities become as I progress in life. I was spoon fed my entire life; I never really had to work too hard to get the things I wanted. Not to say my life is a struggle for me to get by, I know I have an amazing life. My family is extremely blessed financially and hands down I thank God for that. However, I am still concerned about being and living on my own. Once I achieve my profession as an elementary school teacher and/or a speech therapist, will there be any jobs for me? I know my Aunt who owns a school will guarantee a job for me, but I want to know that I can snag a job all by myself. I want to know that I am qualified, that I am charming enough, that my future school wants me because they would believe me to be a valuable asset to their school or district.

On a different rant, I haven't seen some of my friends in months, some since the new year began. I've been missing in action and really ought to rekindle a lot of my relationships. I miss my girls (Death Row & Kitties), all the L&O guys, Thuy, and Debbie Tan. I'm sorry for my absence, and I know that you all understand. As for someone else who shall remain nameless, I really don't know what happened with this person I was once extremely close to, we've lost touch and if lucky we talk once every two months. I guess the only thing I can say is that I understand that things change as time goes on and life curves, but just know that you'll always be my best friend and my "go to" girl. I'm so corny.

I've been missing my friend, Brian Mammen, who sadly past away last May. As his memorial approaches, I think about all those times that he wanted to talk on AIM, but I was simply too busy or preoccupied. I remember the times we used to play XBOX at his house or how we used to play on his electric keyboard. He really cared about me, and that makes me feel extremely guilty because for the seven years I knew him I can count on two hands how many times I hung out with him. What kind of friend is that? The ninth time I saw him was the day before he past, I don't think anyone will ever make an impact on my life the way Brian did. All I can say is that I feel dark about this situation and this is the one and only thing I regret in my life, not being there enough for him. I know he is shining in Heaven. If you knew him, you would know exactly what I mean.


I hate how I manage to talk about myself all the time.

Fatass Revealed.

My small group took an excursion to Yogurtland in Little Tokyo today. I mixed Original and Blueberry yogurt together and topped it off with almonds, strawberries, and kiwis. BAD IDEA. I think I'm allergic to kiwis. Since I've left Yogurtland, my upper lip has been itchy and swollen. I feel like Angelina Jolie or the Octo Mom, it's not attractive.

I've been craving pizza lately (not Italian thin pizza, but junky Pizza Hut style pizza, grease and everything). Fortunately, today is Sunday, my "eat anything I want" day! I just ordered a large Supreme pizza, and I can't wait to devour three slices with ranch dressing. I was tempted to order breadsticks, but c'mon, a girl's got to watch her figure. Oh and since when did Pizza Hut start going by "The Hut"?! I've been so out of the loop. Is Domino's still "Domino's" or is it "Dom's"?



On a side note: I don't know exactly why, but it really bugs me when people copy the things that I do. Maybe it's a pride issue and I really ought to let petty things like imitation go, but it's just a constant struggle I have. I just can't comprehend people who use other people's original ideas and creativity and brand them as their own. How irritating. Anyways, from now on I take all imitation as flattery. I am Diamond (only a select few will understand what that means).

I could be SUCH a bitch sometimes. I apologize.


Image Source: Huntington Robotics & Photobucket

WTF, Nike?

I feel like shoe designers are running out of ideas. Why on Earth would someone think the combination of saddle brown and baby pink would go perfectly together on Air Jordan 1s? BARF.


Image and Info Source: Hypebeast

You Are a Telepath.

It's so frustrating how teeny little things seem to distract me from almost anything and everything. For instance, I have been trying to study for my History essay exam for the past two hours, but all I've gotten done is reading the essay questions. What is wrong with me? I guess the easy answer would be that I have SO much on my mind. I've almost deleted my blog because lately I see no point in writing, but I know if I deleted this then I'd be incredibly sad. My circle of friends has changed and evolved. Well, not my "circle" of friends, I guess I'm just referring to my phone book. I've been meeting new people left and right and I love it, Jane the social butterfly is BACK. It's been taking me almost fifteen minutes to get out of bed every morning. I just lay there and stare at my ceiling and my phone. And I've been going to bed with a headache for the past week. My heart has been floating and also been weighed down. I have been a different kind of happy lately, a "happy" that I've been feeling on my own not depending on another person. It's liberating. I'm pretty outspoken about experiences and details in my life, and I suddenly feel the urge to change that about myself. I feel like private things need to be kept private, no matter how comfortable I am talking about my life. Since February, I've lost over six pounds, or about two inches all around. Who knew that losing just a little bit of weight could uplift someone's spirits? Working out and losing weight is an addiction. My posts have been all over the place, no structure whatsoever. Uh, I feel like I've been a depressing dipshit to everyone around me. I want to go shopping so badly, since I lost a couple inches around my body, my clothes fit a bit looser. I'm just making excuses to shop. I got a new dog two nights ago. She's a four year old Maltese/Poodle mix and her name is Angel, but I'm convinced her name is Bonita, I love that name. I have so many things to do within the next couple months. Sometimes I feel the need to scream, so I do so when I'm driving, I bet I look crazy. But hey, it relieves my stress. I'm pretty sure I bombed my Geology test today. My test was 114 questions, WTF. I've been cursing an ugly deal lately, and I really want to cut back on cussing. I think it's really unattractive when every other word is "fuck" or "shit." I've always believed that "bitch" was an okay term to use, and I sometimes say it in front of my parents. I need to use my DSLR more often, I've been studying the manual and shopping for a new lenses. I really want a wide angle lens and a telephoto lens. I think within the next few months my mom is going to buy me a Macbook. I finally convinced her I needed a new laptop. I want the gold python Tory Burch flats, but they're discontinued so I may have to buy them online. I can't wait until the Blackberry Niagara comes to Verizon Wireless, no matter how cool the iphone is. I've been listening to some ghetto ass music lately and I've also been getting into Deadmau5...eff you, Patrick Hsu. It's insane how it's eighty degrees outside but sixty five degrees inside my house, and the AC isn't even on. Yesterday, I knocked out for three hours, in the middle of the day, NO BUENO. I need Spring Break, soon. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do mediocre on my test today. My room needs to be cleaned, I've been avoiding it badly. I need to study. My stomach hurts and everything. End.

Hot Tribe?!

I was hoping I was having a nightmare, but clearly I wasn't. A Tribe Called Quest merchandise is officially being sold at Hot Topics nationwide. Hot Topic, the place where people get their Goth makeup, hardcore band tees, and ugly plastic plugs. WHAT THE HELL?!
Anyways, I almost died when I saw this in the display window, and my friend had to convince me that it was "a good thing," but I just couldn't see the positive outcome.



Two thumbs down!

I Love You.

As some of you may know, I hate a lot of things, in reference to a few posts back, but with my hate comes a lot of love for things. So enjoy my "concise" compilation of LOVES/LIKES (and just remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, including myself).



I love/like:
Jesus Christ. My family. The feeling of falling asleep with socks on in bed, and mid-night taking the socks off. Turning over my pillow after it gets warm. Laying in clean sheets. Laundry right out of the dryer. Sunny cold days. Gold hoop earrings. All things diamonds. Over sized sweatshirts and short shorts for sleeping. Nude color nail polish. Big dogs, like German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers, Huskies, etc. Packing for a trip. Coming home after a long trip. Cooking for people. Chewing gum. Chapstick, not lip gloss. All things purple. Late night drives listening to instrumentals. Driving at night with the windows down and the heater on high. Mexican food. Chipotle. Bear hugs. Walking around in new surroundings. Stella Artois. My digital SLR. Photographing people and objects. Fashion. Runway. Streetwear. A Tribe Called Quest. Simple people, don't need any complication. The Last Lecture. My Blackberry. All things cherry and blue raspberry flavor. Complimenting people. Lucas candy. Sundresses worn with flats. Long text messages. "That's what she said." The Office. Entourage. Calling people by their full names. Los Angeles. Rap music with fat beats. Hanging with my mommy, she's the most amazing. Thinking I'm going to do poorly on a test, but acing the damn test! Usher. Eating. Blueberries. Theatre arts, always and forever. Long showers. Laying in soft sand. Attempting to rap along to Tupac's greatest hits. Leather jackets. Making people feel comfortable. Corn on the cob. Total Care Listerine. Over sized handbags. Tube tops. Music, smells, and places that remind me of people or good times. Working out when I feel out of shape. Red Velvet cupcakes. Lee's Sandwiches. Giving and taking advice. Laughing so much that my abs and jaws begin to hurt. Living my life.

KTHANKSBYE.

Just Too Good.

I passionately hate Alexander Wang sometimes, only because he's so damn good at designing the exact things I've dreamed of wearing. He always manages to mash sophistication and edge into one perfect outfit, always relying on muted colors, shades of black, and sharp whites.



And he also designed a pair of black suede ankle boots with a deathly gold toe that I literally die for. I need it.

Trojans Steal.

I decided that this Monday I will be donating blood. Outside of my campus, I always see a USC medical van surrounded by canopies and hoards of people, so I took a slow walk over there and found out that USC was in Pasadena to steal some of our blood, a blood drive. I've never donated blood so this will be a first, and I'm pretty excited to help out in any way, shape, or form. Although I would rather donate blood to the Red Cross, this is move convenient because USC's van is posted right on the corner within a five minute walking distance. Whatever.



Trading blood for cookies and a free t-shirt.


Image Courtesy: Discovery Institute

General Rule.

So far this month, I've had one unfortunate epiphany:
People are disappointing.



As my life progresses, I think that I experience disappointment from every single person that has crossed my path. It's to the point where I've almost become numb to the let downs. I've questioned myself many a times, "Am I taking things too seriously or sensitively?" or "Why do you let it get to you?" But honestly, I've really been trying my best to do my part, and sometimes the other people's efforts just don't seem to be there. I know I can be a flake at times, but I try to correct those blemishes. I officially do not depend on people. This does not mean I have lost hope in people, but I'd rather not depend on them and set myself up for disappointment countless times. All of that is way too much time and energy I could be putting to good use in other aspects of my life.

It's sad because even months ago, I would've bent over backwards to make sure both efforts were made in any type of relationship like making sure I saw certain friends and initiating conversations with people I have lost touch with, but lately everything has been a mess in my life, and I just want to be selfish for a little while, I have a lot on my plate. I think that isn't too much to ask. Frankly, I have no clue where I am going with this. There is no conclusion or solution to this "dilemma" but I think if I didn't write about this, my heart would literally burst into a bloody mess of tissue and arteries.

Don't be afraid of disappointing me, because I really don't care anymore.
Correction: I don't care to a certain degree.

Nail Me.

The Japanese are crazy when it comes to nail art.





I won't lie. I would be willing to try having these crazy designs for a week or two.
The "craziest" thing I've ever done is have Gucci decals on my nails. SO GUTSY! Not.

Balanced.

So I got these or New Balances that look super similar today instead of Nike Running shoes.

Sneakers vs. Sneakers.

So, it's been several months since I first heard and spotted the MTTM dunks. Now let me set the record straight, I am not all for girls wearing dunks. It just doesn't look right. I haven't seen one girl that could pull it off and I always feel like it makes the female legs look stocky and fat, that's just my opinion. But I still want these Married to The Mob dunks because they look like Chanel threw up all over them. I absolutely die for the black patent leather and the creme waffle material accented by glowing gold hardware.



With all of that said, no matter how much I wish and lust these sneakers, I know other matters come first...like running shoes. I need a new pair of running shoes, and even my Health Education professor told me. I've put the tread on my sneakers to work, and they are officially bald. So instead of splurging on the "Chanel" dunks, I will opt for a new pair of running shoes.



Fuck my life.

One & Only.